This is a blast from the past, or a blast about the past. I'm a huge believer in the comprehensive school system. I think that money should never be able to buy you a better education. However the children of the mid 1960's, by the time they got to High School in the late 1970's, were often becoming victims of a well meaning, but broken system. The first four years of my high school days were the worst years of my life. I think anyone who trots out the old chiche about schooldays being "the best years of your life", must have gone to a different school than I did. Almost 30 years on, I'm struggling to think of any good memories of these days. My strongest memory is of the overwhelming insidious, all pervasive atmosphere of leveling down. Of course the teachers didn't turn up to work every day and think - "how can we demoralise and belittle the children". It was more that the system was wrong. Shoving children of all backgrounds and abilities together with very little thought to streaming by ability, had the effect of the children from backgrounds where education was not valued, spending all their days trying to make sure that the children who seemed as if they would succeed in life feel as different and not wanted as possible. There was huge pressure from your peer group not to succeed. Failure was valued. Education must value ability an urge to succeed and and most importantly, an ability to be an individual. In the late 70's and early 80's, the Scottish education system I endured had the effect, however unknowingly, of doing the opposite. If you were not an ignorant football loving, swearing, fighting, clone like a lot of the other children seemed to be, then you were ground down by the system. The culture was, "you are nothing, you will never be anything, and don't dare to believe otherwise".
The song
deals with memories of those days, but more importantly, the kind
of effect that an education like that can have on your life. You
are a little sponge when you are a child. Absorbing beliefs that
will shape your life forever if you let them. I was shocked when I
began to examine how I thought, about how much of my life had been
distorted by those days. I was toying with a lyric that I couldn't
quite get to work that went something life, "when we left school,
we didn't get leaving certificates, just a list of negative core
beliefs". I used to tell people that on the day we all left school,
we just got a certificate saying, "I survived". When one of my
school friends who was much naturally cleverer than me went up to
St Andrews University, I remember we went to see him and we thought
that the other students in halls with him seemed to be from a
different planet. They may well have been. They had passed through
the English private school system and seemed to have a natural self
confidence. The culture at their schools was that the world was
good and they could go out into it and do great things. The culture
at our school was that "life is shit, don't expect too much, and
when you leave School, things will only get worse!"
The thing that seems most ironic to me now, is that the teachers
used to terrify us about "just wait until you are out in the big
bad world", "you wont be able to do this, or that" etc. We were
made to be scared to leave this "sheltered" environment that was
school. They couldn't have been more wrong. I've had a wonderful
life since I left school. It gets better all the time. At the age
of 40 some days I'm getting out of bed like I'm a kid and it's
Christmas. Best years of your life, my arse!
The end of the song is sort of a plea to the younger generation
from a 40 something who now understands what used to make him tick.
I have no clue if this culture still exists in Scottish schools,
but I suspect, knowing my own country, that is it still there in
one way or another. There is no reason to get sucked into the
culture of failure that hung around is in the late 70's and early
80's like thick fog that we breathed in every day. Don't let them
pull you down to their level, despite how real the atmosphere seems
at the time.
This song practically wrote itself. I think there was a lot of pent
up anger that I was able to get rid of by writing it. As it was
written so quickly, there was very little "filtering", so some of
it seems a little too extreme now, But I think I will let is stand
alone and not change anything. My only minor regret, is that it may
come over as anti Scottish, which would cause me some pain. I love
my home country deeply, but love should never be uncritical. Also,
it would well be that this kind of culture was pervasive in may
other countries. I only went to school in one.
Don't Expect Too Much MP3
Writing Credits
First song I ever wrote on keyboards. Music and lyric by
me.
Instrumentation
Me playing the MIDI keyboard.
Recorded in San Jose in California in the Summer of 2006.
Lyric
I want to tell you how they tortured us when we
were young
we were brought up to believe life would never be much fun
keep your head down, just be like all the rest
just remember all the life you have got left
They tell you don't expect a lot from this rainy place
You can't expect a lot with your ugly face
They'll squash you down with the mediocrity
Don't complain if you want to make it home for tea
Be careful, don't make out you know many big words
its safer to pretend you are one of the stupid herd
tIts about existing, not really about living
remember to forget all that you have been wishing
They'll kick you in the head when you can't play their games
forget the one you've got, they'll give you lots of names
I can still feel the damp grass with them on top of me
If you grow up, don't imagine you'll be free
They are stupid and they are really jealous of you
They can see what you'll become and for them it won't come
true
So that's why they want to make you feel so very small
At the moment you wish you were nothing at all
When we went to school we learned how to be stupid
were squashed together, made to feel useless
it stays with you for the rest your life
that one you get at school, made to feel no quite right
When i left school it was a bit of a relief
with o grades and a thousand negative core beliefs
I didn't believe it would ever have such a hold on me
20 years on, still trying to find me
You don't want to sit at the back with the ordinary boys
You hate the way they smell and their predictable noise
But you gotta be careful with every word you say
and they'll make sure you know it every single day
The laugh at you for having half a brain
shove your face in the dirt in the pouring rain
I somehow managed to hang on to myself
I suppose it was really all I had left
But what I want to tell you is it doesn't have to be this way
I want to say this if it's the only thing I say
Don't let them push you down to their level
Don't let them hold you down forever
Where I come from is a beautiful place
but there is a dark secret in the celtic race
they smash the confidence out of you at school
they want to turn you into every other fool